The Ultimate Guide for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows
Deciding to write your own wedding vows is a meaningful choice, but feeling stuck on where to start is not unusual.
Once you are done reading this article, you are going to be ready and know how to write your own wedding vows. I lay out tips for brainstorming, tips on what to include and what not to include in your vows, how long your wedding vows should be, ideas for what to do with your vows once they are written (no, keeping them on your phone is not a good idea), and for those who are really stuck, I provided a step-by-step guided template for writing your own wedding vows.
General tips for writing your own wedding vows
Don’t wait until the night before
Do not wait to write your wedding vows the night before. You see it in movies, some people might even be up for the challenge and do it in real life, but trust me, do not do this. If you’re reading this article, you’re not someone who can write wedding vows the night before their wedding.
Start writing ideas down now
Start the process now. If your wedding is a year and a half from now, that’s great, still, start now. A great tip is to keep your phone or a notepad with you 24/7 and jot down ideas when they come to mind. There will be moments while spending time with your partner that will spark an idea for your wedding vows, and you’ll want to have it written down to refer back to later once you’re ready to start writing them out. The more ideas you have, the easier it’ll be for you.
Be yourself, don’t force anything
Stay true to your personality. Your wedding vows don’t have to be any certain way, they don’t have to be funny, or romantic. Let your wedding vows be a reflection of who you are and the relationship you and your partner have built together. For the funny stand up comedian, yea, his wedding vows will probably be humor driven, but for someone who doesn’t have a funny bone in their body, it might be really hard for them to try to think of something funny to put in their vows, so don’t force it. Stick to who you are as a person, and think about what it is that you want to promise for your relationship, and to your partner.
What to include & what not to include in your wedding vows
Some ideas on what to include
Focus on what you want to promise to your partner. It can be anything.
Think about personal stories or memories. These might be able to tie into the promises you’ll want to make to your partner.
Tell your partner what you appreciate about them. Share with them how you’ve been feeling leading up to your wedding.
Talk about your past, present, and future. Mention the ups and downs you’ve taken to get to where you’re at. Describe what you are looking forward to in your new marriage.
Do you two have a song that you both love and it reminds you of each other? Or maybe there is a poem you’ve read that reminds you of your partner. Pull inspiration from literature, songs, or poems that you love.
Reciting your vows doesn’t have to be just reading from paper. Bring a printout of photos to show your partner while you’re saying your vows. Sometimes a picture can mean a thousand words.
Some ideas on what not to include
Don’t bring up specific arguments. It’s okay to talk about how you’ve been through a lot together, but don’t bring up specifics.
Don’t make unrealistic promises. Your partner will be able to tell if you pulled a promise off the internet that doesn’t really apply to your relationship.
Try not to ramble. Be concise.
How long should your wedding vows be
Keep it around 4-8 minutes. You want your partner to be able to remember each part of the vows you’ve written, and if they’re too long, your partner will miss the main points.
You wrote your own wedding vows, now what?
What to do with your vows now that they’re written
Now that you have your wedding vows written, think about how you want to recite them during your elopement ceremony. You have a few options.
Remember you’re vows instead of writing them down
Okay, here’s the thing about saying you’ll remember your vows on your wedding day. When you say you’re going to remember your vows, and not bring some kind of hard copy of them to your ceremony for backup, you’re taking the risk of skipping sections, or even worse completely forgetting everything you wrote. Don’t take all the hard work you’ve done so far and put it to chance.
Keeping your vows in your phone
When Alex and I eloped, we planned everything in three days—so our vows lived on our phones. Looking back… risky. Phones die, get lost, get wet, or glitch at the worst time. Do yourself a favor: print or write your vows. It’s more reliable and it looks way more timeless in photos than an iPhone.
Get vow books
My advice is to buy vow books and hand write your vows in them. Not only will they look good in your elopement pictures, it’s a great keepsake to look back on years down the road on an anniversary.
Step-by-Step Guided Template for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows
your partners name,
section 1
The first time you met
In the first section, talk about the time when you two first met. Here are some ideas to get you started.
- Is there a specific moment you remember?
- Mention the feeling you had when you first saw the other person.
- What was your first impression of them?
- Is there a funny story about how you two met?
- Talk about what you two did during your first date.
- Do you remember what your partner wore on your first date?
- If you met on a dating app, how did you feel when you first got on the app?
section 2
Next, talk about how long you two have been together.
For couples who have been with their partner for a shorter amount of time:
If you haven’t been together for a long period, talk about this but mention the reasons why you’re deciding to get married after only being together for a short time. The old saying, “when you know, you know” could definitely be used here.
For couples who have been with their partner for a longer amount of time:
If you’ve been together for a long time, mention how long and talk about all the ups and downs you two have been through. Maybe there have been career changes, moving states, new members of the family, anything significant that you two have been through, mention these in your vows and make it apparent that you’re grateful for it all.
section 3
Get personal.
For couples who have kids:
Get personal. If you two have kids, talk about them and your family. Talk about what it’s been like raising little ones with your partner by your side. If you two plan on having more children, talk about that. If you two have fur babies, talk about them and talk about what you think of when you think of your partner and your fur babies.
For couples who have pets:
If you two have pets (especially if you plan on including your dog in your wedding), talk about them and talk about what you think of when you think of your partner and your pets. If you’re anything like me (Kelly), you’ll want to include a vow about always being allowed to adopt or foster dogs 😊
section 4
Talk about your and your partner’s personality, and how you two work well together.
Your partner’s personality:
What traits did you notice right away? What traits did you learn later on in your relationship? Telling a story that shows their personality is a great way to show your love for your partner.
Your personality:
Also, talk about your personality and how it ties into your relationship. An example could be if you’re the type of person to be really indecisive, and your partner is really great at helping you think through decisions.
section 5
Your Promises.
The easy stuff:
Next, talk about what you’re going to promise to your partner. When you’re making your promises, think about what you would want your partner to be promising to you. Think back to conversations you two have had when talking about what you love about the other person. An example could be, if your partner is really good at listening to you, you could promise that you will never take that trait of theirs for granted.
The hard stuff:
No marriage is perfect, and every marriage goes through hard times. In the traditional wedding vows it goes, “through better or worse”, take this line and spice it up a bit, make it your own (or don’t and just use those 4 words as is). No marriage vow is complete without acknowledging that you’ll go through tough times.
section 6 – The Ending
Finish your vows with something short and sweet. Some ideas could be: I’ll love you til the end of time. I love you. I can’t wait to begin our lives together. Remember, there are no two humans that are the same, meaning no two couples and no two relationships could be or are the same. Let your imagination run wild when it comes to writing your vows. If you have an idea that’s never been done before, don’t be afraid to do it! These are all just suggestions on how to write wedding vows, but remember, you already have all the words and ideas in your brain. You are the only one who knows your relationship.
Who am I?
meet kelly, an adventure elopement photographer
Colorado is more than just beautiful backdrop for me; it’s home. The mountains play host to my everyday adventures, making me the local you’ve been looking for. Whether it’s adventuring around Moab, or exploring Colorado, I’ve got the experience to lead you through both the natural wonders and the perfect shots for your elopement.
Although I’m not originally from Colorado, the mountains called to me and now I call them home. Grand Junction, CO is my home now! Just 30 miles from the Utah border, an hour and a half from Moab, and an hour and a half from Telluride, two hours from Breckenridge – I could keep going but I just love how it’s the perfect “junction” (see what I did there). It’s the best. I couldn’t think of a better place to call home, and to work and play!
This business has become so much more than a job and I feel truly honored to call so many clients my friends. It would be a pleasure to work with you and your soon-to-be spouse as we plan and execute your dream elopement in the places I now call home.
